One of my greatest fears is if my daughter picks someone like her dad who is abusive. My grandmother and mother picked husbands exhibiting abusive behavior very similar to my ex-husband. My parents divorced when I was about three years old. My father began using me to abuse my mother when I was four or five and... Continue Reading →
Verbal Abuse is Worse than Physical Abuse
First, let me begin by saying that I am not discounting physical abuse at all. If someone is physically abusive it highly unlikely they are not emotionally & verbally abusive too. If someone feels it is their right to physically abuse their partner or child they must be manipulative, controlling and use some methods of... Continue Reading →
Don’t Argue With An Abusive Ex
Don't Argue With An Abusive Ex Last week I sent my abusive ex-husband an email basically stating that I had problems with my father for years for the same stuff he is doing to our daughter. In my email I stated how similar my father and ex-husband are. I also said I believed it was... Continue Reading →
Getting Over the Resentment of the Abuser
One thing I struggle with sometimes is getting over the resentment of my abusive ex-husband. Most of the time I do not hate him or give him much thought, unless he is messing with my daughter and it angers me all over again. Then I feel angry for all the hell he has put me... Continue Reading →
But He Never Hit Me – Abuse Minimizing Statement
I was a victim of domestic abuse 'but he never hit me'. I ran across this statement today and it impossible for me to count how many times I have said that very statement. When I was married I really was not aware my marriage was one of control, manipulation, power and domination. The household... Continue Reading →
Was My Husband Poisoning Me or Was the Relationship Toxic
You may find this shocking to believe that I once use to question if my ex-husband was poisoning me. I actually thought it was pretty crazy to think such a thing. I certainly did not think a normal person would even consider such a thing. I cannot tell you how many doctor's I visited during those years... Continue Reading →
Signs of Domestic Abuse
What are the Odds? According to the Domestic Violence Resource Center, 25% of women will have experienced domestic abuse in their lifetime. Keeping Secrets That is very disturbing fact, but it is one that cannot be ignored. In a way by my posting this anonymously I feel like I am keeping the secret rather than... Continue Reading →
Abusive Men – Why Does He Do That?
Okay so I have been reading a very captivating book called 'Why Does He Do That' written by Lundy Bancroft. It is not the most current book, but I will say it is extremely relevant. This book is very well written as it gets inside the minds of these abusive men. At many times throughout... Continue Reading →
Getting Over the Scars of Emotional Abuse
It is rather amazing how long it takes to deal with the emotional scars of a verbally abusive relationship. I am married to a really great man now and it can really affect our relationship today. There are times when a situation will trigger a memory and it sort of brings me back to the... Continue Reading →
The Key is to Respond not React
Last night I had a very strange dream about my ex-husband. I have these dreams from time to time. In the dream he is trying to get along with me. In my dream I am unable to communicate with him even in that state. It is nearly impossible to communicate with an abuser. I am... Continue Reading →
Keeping Children Out of the Middle
One of the greatest challenges I have is trying to keep my daughter out of the middle of this unhealthy behavior. I was doing a better job with it before the school staff came into the mix. Allowing my daughter to view her father through her own eyes and not mine. I know she really has to develop... Continue Reading →
Validation – I am not Crazy!
First I want to say I was listing to Joyce Meyer (she was a victim of abuse) this morning and her message was simple. It said it was not our circumstances that cause our grief, but our reactions to the circumstances. I absolutely agree. No matter what my ex-husband puts on me I need to... Continue Reading →
FEAR – False Emotionals Appearing Real
Regaining my personal power and strength sometimes requires me to fall down. I have to use the power of positive thinking to get to realizing I am not still in it and I will not allow this to control my life. I will enjoy my life whether my abuser is controlling or not. I will... Continue Reading →
Join Custody with a Jerk
No, this isn't something off Jerry Springer, but it is my life at times. I realized I am in the middle of some drama again and so I felt it was time to take some action. So I started reading 'Joint Custody With a Jerk' which I had read a few years ago. In the... Continue Reading →
Countering Fear by Staying in the Present
Fear TriggerSo I am at work today doing my job when I get this call from my daughter's pediatrician. She doesn't usually call me out of the blue like that. So she informs me that my ex-husband called requesting the documents for the ADD from her. Since in over eight years she had never heard... Continue Reading →
Choose to Forget or Remember the Past
There is a constant struggle to forget the past because I do not not want to remember the bad times. Memory Triggers I still have to deal with my ex-husband and that seems to trigger memories, especially with his constant need to control situations. Right now there is some weird stuff that is occurring that is triggering those old feelings. There are not very many good times to remember and believe me I have tried to find some to cling on to. In truth right now, he is just a tiny blip on the radar, other than his occasional interference he really isn't a part of my life anymore. I can focus on today and be so grateful to not be there and the strength that gained in return. I often feel if I could make it through all that there is truly nothing I can't endure today. Although I can't remember very many good things about him I go through all that hell over again if only to have my daughter here today.
The Abuser’s Continuous Manipulation
Feeling a bit frustrated with the ongoing manipulation from my abusive ex. It's astonishing how he skillfully presents an image that deceives people into thinking he's a caring individual – hence the inspiration for creating this website. The current issue revolves around my daughter's school. Last year, my ex-husband's live-in girlfriend, who caused quite a... Continue Reading →
Verbal Abuse and the Internal Scars
I am going to start with today and jump around because I would like to create a balance of positive with the negative effects of verbal abuse.
At this time my greatest challenge is trying to keep my daughter out of being in the middle. My ex constantly is asking her questions about my husband and I. It took me the longest time to figure out what was going on with my daughter. He was very manipulative and would say things... without really saying things. For instance, he wouldn't say I was a bad mom, he would say "Your mom is going to get mad at you" or "You are going to get in trouble with your mom." He wasn't asking her if she wanted to come live with him, he would say "Wouldn't it be great if you got to live with me all the time."
Is This Abusive 