Don’t Argue With An Abusive Ex

Don’t Argue With An Abusive Ex

Last week I sent my abusive ex-husband an email basically stating that I had problems with my father for years for the same stuff he is doing to our daughter.  In my email I stated how similar my father and ex-husband are.  I also said I believed it was my fault for selecting someone similar to my father to marry and that is why our daughter has to deal with so much emotional abuse.  I left him with a question of what kind of relationship he would like with his daughter in the future.

There is a saying, “Don’t argue with a drunk alcoholic.”  I would assume the same thing applies that, “Don’t argue with an Abusive Ex.”  I know better and yet my rational side forgets that there is no reasoning with the irrational.

I probably should not have sent this email to him but I was hoping it might sink in that he hurting our daughter.  Our poor daughter never says a word to him.  I am not sure if she means to protect him or just doesn’t want to have the discussion.  She just goes over there and endures their negative attacks and insults about me.  She does repeat them to me and I know she does not like how they act at times.  How sad that our daughter has just learned to take it and has not found her voice to tell them to stop yet.

She said, “My dad thinks you are so awful and I am just like you.”  I think I said I do not think he realizes that. Perhaps that just gives him an excuse for unacceptable behavior.

Toxic Crazy Making Comments

This week I received a reply from his wife that basically implying my problem is Borderline Personality Disorder.  She basically said to look it up and there was tons of information regarding it.  Then she basically states I am the one bothering them and not the other way around.  At the end she actually says she hopes I can find happiness followed by God Bless.

Don’t Argue With An Abusive Ex’s Wife

If God were in their lives I would imagine we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all right now.  I know when I was married to my abusive ex-husband he was his own Higher Power.  I also know, looking back, all my energy was focused on him which made him my Higher Power.  Therefore if our entire household was revolving around my abusive ex-husband… we were not doing so well.  I know better this is a situation of “Let Go Let God.”

There is a part of me that would love to respond to her in anger or with reason but I think they are a lost cause.  I do realize my trying to reason with my ex-husband is what brought on her response.  I also know her email was very sarcastic and not productive.  Her email is very much like one my ex-husband would send and full of passive aggressive insults.  So either they enjoy messing with our lives or they do not realize what they are doing.  Perhaps she is blind to what has been happening for all these years or does not care.

Let Go Let God

I know better than to send my ex-husband any comments or emails.  You cannot reason with someone like my ex-husband because he can do no wrong.  I know he is not rational and with all the weird things they have done and said to my daughter they are not healthy.  Responding to her would be a waste of time and would just initiate a response.  This is a time when you have to Let Go and Let God handle them.

Of coures I am bothered by what she says and perhaps several years ago I might have believed her comment.  When I first left my ex-husband he had plenty of emails implying I was crazy.  Abusive relationships are often like that and are Crazy-making if you are not careful.

Thankfully I have gotten healthier, I know what kind of relationship I had with my ex-husband and my being healthy today is just further proof of how toxic that marriage was.  I was not healthy when I was with my ex-husband.  Being physically sick in a relationship should be a huge warning sign that something is very wrong.