It is so nice to have our daughter back at home with us. There is definitely an adjustment period. The worst was getting her stuff from her old house sorted. My ex-husband and his wife sent her entire room over in big black trash bags that we had to sort through.
My husband and I believe they sent her stuff home in that way to overwhelm us. It was overwhelming even for me to figure out. I asked my daughter if she needed some help and we were able to put her things away and the rest went to trash and to charity. She actually sent toys that my daughter probably hasn’t touched in more than 10 years. It was difficult to believe they weren’t being vindictive or petty.
My ex continues to bring me into this as if I had something to with her moving back. He has taken zero responsibility for his actions and blames our daughter completely. As I mentioned in my previous post he has done a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality flips a few times with our daughter. She told me a few weeks ago that he was being overly nice and she did not trust it. I responded that she should trust her instincts.
Since her father threatened to call the police, we decided to get her a car that will belong to her with no strings attached. She is making part of the car payment and is responsible for a portion of insurance. She will also help out with part of the bills like our other daughter is doing.
Now my primary goal will be to help her plan a budget and get prepared for her to move out on her own one day. It did not seem like they gave her any guidance while she lived there or help her prepare for what to expect. In the past two to three years we have daughter our other daughter about bills and saving. She has a better understanding on how much bills actually cost and she does a pretty good job budgeting her money and paying her bills on time. Now it is time to help the other one get caught up.
It really makes me sad that her father does the things he does. It is so unhealthy and confusing. Especially all the blaming he does and how he doesn’t ever take ownership for his part in fights. He has never taken ownership of anything over the past 25 years I have known him.
It told my husband that maybe if she had stayed her with us at 17 1/2, she might have always thought the grass would be greener and resented us. Perhaps she had to go to her father’s to gain perspective. Maybe it made her more appreciative about things she may have taken for granted.