Last week, my daughter returned home from an abusive and toxic living situation at her father’s house. He also sent her some irrational and threatening text messages when he learned she had come to my house. He expected me to email him to prove she was at my house. Our daughter is a young adult now and she should be able to visit her mother and spend the night if she wants to.
On Thanksgiving, our daughter was a bit frustrated that her father had not sent her a single text for a week. His last text basically blamed her for his outburst and that she would not get an apology from him. He also said he would not be texting her and she needed to reach out to him. She refused to text him first.
He says, “Now you are back where you started”? She should have been here all along. He should not have sued for custody of a 17 1/2 year old. Then he gets her over there and will not allow her to come visit me? What kind of father does that to his daughter? Of course, he told her he did not want her to visit “friends” in my city. However, nobody was fooled, he let her go everywhere else except here.
One week later, she received a nice text message from him. This is not unusually for him to blow up, overreact, and then go on as if nothing has happened. So last week he threatened to call the police and report her car as stolen if she did not bring it home right. Now, we have purchased a new used vehicle for her and he offers this one back. She is paying for a portion of this car payment and we not use this car to control her. Maybe he just realized he still has a car payment to make? He even offers to get the alignment fixed now.
This one of the biggest reasons I am no longer married to my ex-husband. He blows up and rages and then out comes Dr. Jekyll all nice again. It was fifteen years ago that I was living with him and it was like living on eggshells wondering which personality would come after work.
My daughter asked for my advice on how to respond to him. Honestly, I was not sure how to respond to his complete flip in emotions. My recommendation was to stick to the facts and even thank him for letting her use the car while she was there.
He is not fooling me with this Mr. Nice guy text message. Last week, he couldn’t have been more hateful when he couldn’t control her. After all these years, he still has not figured out that people do not like be controlled all the time. It is also hard to comprehend why he involved me into this situation and expected me to contact him. Whatever for? Our daughter is an adult. She needs to learn how to manage her finances so she can live on her own one day. Controlling her every move is not helpful for her future.
She does plan on going to pick up some things from her house. I have recommended not going alone. It is hard for me to believe he will be able to just be a supporting father without trying to control her. Something, I still believe is abusers do not change their spots. Especially when he has tried his hardest to keep her away from her mother.
Is This Abusive 