Charming Becomes Dark – From One Of Our Readers

This is a story from one of our readers:

“We love charming men. When I first met RS, I thought I had found one of the most charming men I had ever met. He’s handsome and his initial personality melted me. He wanted to spend every single day with me, was very affectionate, brought me little gifts, sent me the sweetest quotes first thing every single morning along with telling me how beautiful I was, he told me that I made him the happiest he’d been in a long time and he’s never felt “this way” before, he boasted about how different he was compared to other men, how he’s committed to me and only me, how he would never hurt me, how he wants to create a “dynasty,” was always boasting about how he is a gentleman, how good-looking he is, how good he is in bed, and how he likes to spoil his women. He’d talk about how he “doesn’t tolerate disrespect towards women,” how he doesn’t like arguing, how secure he is, and if there was “ever a time where he felt like he was going to raise his voice to a woman he would just walk way.” Sounds perfect right?

I was getting a rush from his attention and charm, while he was rushing to get a relationship.

After a couple of weeks of knowing him, he revealed another color of himself. It’s dark. Confusing. Painful. It’s fueled by roughly 15 years of drug abuse and addiction. It’s fueled by anger when his dad would no longer support him and RS had to drop out of college and move out of state.

My relationship with RS escalated very quickly. I fell for every word he said and I melted over the idea of who he said he was. Within days of meeting him, he was talking about future plans with me. RS even told me at one point that his ex-girlfriend of 4 years emotionally abused him – I apologized and said “abuse of any kind is not cool.” I realize now that his claim was an extremely ironic one to make. Within 2 weeks, he was professing his love to me and telling me that within 6 months he wanted to put a ring on my finger. When I didn’t feel as strongly for him the way he was with me, this upset him. It had only been 2 weeks since we met. I needed time for my feelings to develop naturally, I was still getting to know him. Because his happiness depended on me, RS made me feel guilty by telling me that I shouldn’t have to “learn to like” him and that if he hadn’t “swept me off my feet already,” then “there was a problem.” His impatience about my feelings put me off. He needed commitment immediately. I wanted to slow down. It caused friction between us. However, I didn’t want to there to “be a problem” so I tried to make it work. This should have been red flag one. One month later, he asked me to move in with him and I said yes.

I discovered the truth.

RS binges on alcohol and cocaine almost every weekend. The alcohol/cocaine binges start with beers around dinner time, followed by a “quick stop” to pick up cocaine from his friend – meeting at his friend’s house, a gas station, or a bar. He says he needs the cocaine to “wake up.” This is not true. The drinking and snorting will continue throughout the night until early hours the following morning or afternoon. Sometimes, he goes all weekend. It’s as though he physically cannot stop. If he does manage to sleep, he’ll go right into drinking because the beer “will make him feel better.” His best friend is a regular cocaine user, and his best friends roommate is their “middle-man,” making it easily accessible.

When RS does cocaine, his eyes get large. He overly professes his love and admiration for you. He gets very talkative, but often cannot finish his sentences and will end them by saying, “so yeah,” “like yeah,” or “uh yeah.” He will try to get you to do cocaine with him, “just a bump” or a small line. He gets insecure and will accuse you of things that do not warrant an accusation, causing unnecessary arguments. He will go on and on with questions until he finds an inconsistency in his story. This will make you “shady.” Even though you didn’t actually do anything wrong, in his eyes these are real. You’ll think his insecurity is a testament to his adoration for you – it is not. RS has continued to binge on alcohol and cocaine every single weekend since I have known him (6 months) except for 5 weekends.

RS is quick to react to criticism of any kind during an argument. Even if it’s as simple as wanting to talk about your feelings or a disagreement you had. He jumps into the offense. He shuts down and immediately starts opposing everything you say. You’ll most commonly hear him say, “got it,” “Rodger that,” “shut the fuck up,” “get the fuck out,” and “you’re such a fucking bitch.”

Things are never his fault. Even when he drinks, does cocaine, and gets mean – if you try to defend yourself or stand up for yourself, he will blame you for his actions because he sees your defense as “arguing.” For example, to this day he has not apologized for what he did during a 36-hour binge and blames it on me for “arguing.”

RS’s worst behavior will usually happen behind closed doors when it’s just you and him, whether he’s sober or not. As women, we can handle arguments and being called a “bitch” here and there.

This is different. This is worse. Someone who bingers on alcohol and drugs every weekend for years does not suddenly stop, not for anyone. This will not stop. This behavior didn’t start with me and it will not end with me.

The first time I saw RS go on an alcohol/cocaine binge was a week after I met him. We went to his fathers beach condo. On Saturday, RS invited his best friend out. We all started drinking at 4pm at a local restaurant, then went back to the condo around 6:30pm and continued. RS and his friend brought out the cocaine. RS considered hiding it from me, but his friend convinced him not to.

I was shocked when I saw them do bumps, but I was also curious. I tried my very first bump. I blacked out shortly after, got obnoxious, and was told I was flirting with RS’s friend and said I would have a threesome (disgusting). I finally came to around 10pm. I stayed in the pool and had a few sips of drinks here and there. RS continued his binge until 5am when we finally went to bed. RS says this incident made me untrustworthy as a person because I flirted with his friend. This was the first time I made it clear to RS that I did not want to have sex while he was drunk and high. This was the first time I learned he was not okay with this. I overlooked this binge because it was the first time, so I thought, “he’s just having fun.” Until “having fun” happened every weekend.

The next night, I sent him a text asking him “what if someone “feels right” but ends up cheating on you or abusing you?” Based on my texts, I asked him this because of something he said to me the night before. I cannot recall what it was. Maybe my intuition was telling me something. Maybe this is why I could never fully let my guard down for RS.

Just over one month later in July, we were back at the beach condo with his father this time. This was the first time RS went on a tirade of insults, threats, ad trying to break up with me. RS and I had been together for one month at this point. RS started drinking and doing cocaine on Friday evening around 7:30pm and continued throughout the night. He didn’t sleep. On Saturday, his dad wanted to take us to a local play and bought us tickets. RS’s dad was drunk and falling asleep during the play. RS was being incredibly loud and rude during the first 20 minutes of the play. The people in front of us asked him to be quiet or leave. RS decided to leave and went to a bar by himself. I didn’t want to leave his dad alone passed out, I was worried, so I stayed behind. After the play his dad and I found RS nearby at a bar. RS started calling me a “bitch” in front of his dad because I didn’t leave the play to spend time with him. I explained I didn’t want to leave his dad passed out alone. His dad told RS to watch his mouth and then RS threatened to fight him.

When we got back to the house, RS and I sat outside to talk. I was upset because I wanted a weekend for once without an alcohol/cocaine binge. RS was upset because I wouldn’t go to the bar with him. He wasn’t being cooperative and wound up just continuing to insult me and telling me that I kept “bucking up” to him, that he was “done,” and that I needed to leave when we got back to his place so that he could move “somewhere far away.” RS wouldn’t let me speak. I cried and I asked him to stop being mean. He did not. I grabbed his phone and threw it out of anger. He kept insulting me, and telling me that tonight was my fault because I should’ve left with him and left his dad where he was. He punched a concrete wall and broke his hand. I left for about 30 minutes to cool off and walked to the beach.

While I was at the beach, I was texting with RS. I told him I was heartbroken. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just put the alcohol and cocaine down. I told him “I wanted a sober RS because all I ever saw on the weekends was drunk and high RS.” I told him I was not okay with being disrespected, and that something needed to change. I walked back and went inside to talk to RS. While we were upstairs, RS got really aggressive with his dad. His dad told RS to get out of the house and that RS was never welcome back there again. This was followed by some insults about RS being a loser and threatened his job saying he didn’t expect him there Monday (dad owns the company that RS works for). We left. Seeing a man interact with his father this way is unsettling. I contacted his sister about the incident over Facebook messenger and she confirmed they had a “very up-down relationship.”

This was a normal weekend.

At one point, RS’s binging became so scary that I literally begged him to stop drinking and doing cocaine for a while. On Labor Day weekend, he binged on alcohol and cocaine for 36 hours straight. He started early Saturday evening and stopped until Monday afternoon. He had zero sleep during this time. Around 8am Monday morning, I was in bed trying to sleep when he came into the room and wanted to have sex. I said “no” because I didn’t want to have sex with someone who had been drunk and coked up for 36 hours straight. He was not okay with this and he lost his cool. He stood at the edge of the bed and went on about what a “shitty person” I was, how much he “hated me,” how he “should’ve cheated on me because I never would’ve found out,” how he “thought I was pretty once,” how I was a “stupid fucking bitch,” how he “couldn’t wait for me to leave,” and so on. When I cried, he mocked me, and even tried to say that I probably take anti-depressants for attention. I was so, fucking, heartbroken. After a few more hours of torturing me, RS stepped outside for about an hour to smoke a few cigarettes. He came back into the bedroom. I was laying down. He grabbed my ankles and pulled me towards the edge of the bed. He pried my legs open and tried to grab at my shorts. I squirmed away, and curled up fetal position in the far corner of his bed. I was fucking terrified by this point. RS’s response when I squirmed away was, “goddamn you’re such a fucking prude.” He then continued his tirade for a few more hours insulting, threatening to “put my shit in the curb,” and telling me that he doesn’t think he should have to “beg” for sex.

Later that afternoon when RS had gone outside for another cigarette, I texted my best friend for help and told her I would call her as soon as RS fell asleep. I told her how scared I was. I needed help. RS walked in as I was texting her and he got really pissed. He accused me of “talking shit” and said that I “do not need to speak to my friend about our business.” He told me that if I “stepped out that door to talk to her,” he was going to lock me out. She came anyways, and she parked about 50 yards down the street and waited for my call. I told RS I desperately needed my friend. RS told me that if I “didn’t lay in bed where he could see me, then I should leave forever.” I took the chance and I stepped outside. As I was outside, RS was texting me asking if I had “left yet.” With caution, my friend came back into the house with me. RS acted fine, and he even hugged me front of her. He reassured me that he would calm down and we would be okay. As soon as she left, he got angry again for “running my mouth” to my friend. I went back to my corner of the bed, crying, and I stayed there for the rest of the night.

In total, RS’s tirade against me lasted for 12 hours. 12. Hours. Straight. Let that sink in.

RS called out of work Tuesday and Wednesday due to his hangover. Somehow his dad never got the message, so his sister contacted me wondering where RS was. I explained he was hungover and not coming in. I left it at that – I didn’t want to lie, I didn’t want to say too much. On my way out the door for work on Tuesday, I kissed RS on the forehead and told him that I hoped he felt better soon and I said goodbye. On Wednesday we talked. RS said he remembered everything. This terrified me. It meant he knew what he had done and tried to do, and hadn’t even tried to apologize for it.

On Thursday, we texted about the incident. RS did not apologize for what he did, he flat out blamed me and said, “you argued the whole night before, you’re not innocent little girl.” When I asked if arguing justified what he had done to me, his response was, “no but it was the cause of why I acted like I did.” Yes, I “argued” trying to defend myself against the names he called me, the threats he made to me, and trying to prevent him from breaking up with me. I missed the part where defending yourself against insults, name calling, and threats made it okay for someone to verbally abuse you and try to force themselves on top of you. I told him RS he genuinely scared me. I begged for him to consider not drinking and doing cocaine for a while, and to also see if we could go 30 days without being mean to me. RS failed within 3 days. We went out for lunch Saturday. He asked me if I’d be okay with him getting a beer. It made me nervous to see him drink after what had just happened. I asked if he could do lunch without drinking today. He ordered his beer anyways, told me I was “being a bitch,” I should “move past what happened,” and he “doesn’t need anyone telling him what to do.”

The very next weekend was another alcohol and cocaine binge.

One night in August, RS needed to make a quick run to pick up cocaine. He wanted me to go with him. I didn’t want to go pick up drugs. He got really upset, and tried to make me feel guilty by telling me that I “should want to spend time with my boyfriend regardless of where we go.” I did want to spend time with him. I just didn’t want to go with him to pick up drugs. I should not feel guilty for that. He kept going on about this and made me feel terrible for “bailing” on him. I didn’t want to “bail” on him, so I went.

During the first week of November, RS woke up for work one morning. He gets up before me, so he was in the shower by the time I got up. When he came out of the shower I was doing my make up. All of a sudden he says, “so you’re being a fucking cunt today, got it.” I was stunned and confused. I hadn’t said anything. I asked him “what do you mean, I haven’t said anything?” He repeated that I was “being a fucking cunt today.” As he left for work, he slammed the door and sped off. That was it. An hour later, he sent me a text message and apologized for being mean. He said “Good morning boo! I am sorry again for calling you any names this morning. I just get fired up because I love you so much! Hope you have a good day and I love you.” Is that really love?

3 days later he broke up with me. It was Saturday night. RS went out for guys night. When he came home, he said “we are done.” RS has met someone at the bar. He was drunk and high on cocaine, so I did not want to argue and I let it go. I tried to go to bed. He went to our neighbors to drink until 5am. I overheard him telling our neighbors that I had been texting him all night calling him an “asshole.” This was a flat out lie and I had said no such thing.

Finally, he came in and he slept for 4 hours. When he woke up, all hell broke loose. He cracked open a beer, took a bump of cocaine (this is how he “wakes up” on a weekend) and waited for a call from a woman he met the night before. During this time, I was insulted, my life was threatened, I was belittled, broken down, and wished death upon. He tried to tear apart notes that he had written me, saying that I “didn’t deserve them.” I cried and asked him to stop. He kept acting as though he was going to rip them, as if he were teasing me. RS told me I had to move out by Wednesday. He left for his date.

I was heartbroken. I was devastated. I felt so goddamn confused. How does this man claim to love me so much and then betray me? How does this man accuse me of always being shady, only to be the one who went behind my back and did something wrong? I laid down on the bare floor in the spare bedroom and bawled my eyes out for several hours. I desperately wanted to be done with life. I couldn’t handle the pain. I remembered RS had an unusually sharp kitchen knife. I wanted to take a shower, put on my makeup, lay down in the tub, and sever every vein and artery in my wrist. I wanted out.

I took a shower. I put on my makeup. Then RS came home. He was quiet for an hour. I was laying down in the spare bedroom again with my cats. We didn’t speak during this hour. Finally he came to the door and out of nowhere he said I “have 30 minutes to get the fuck out” because he wanted to “have a friend over.” Realistically, there was no way I could move out in 30 minutes. This sent him over the edge. He stood near the door, told me what a “piece of shit” I was, what a “terrible person” I was, how he hated me “because I was a stupid fucking cunt,” told me that he “just wanted to punch me,” how he “wished he could turn back time,” how he “wished I would choke on something and die,” how he was going to “get the best lawyers” and told me that if my things weren’t gone by Wednesday he was going to get the cops involved and find a lawyer. In defense, I told him he couldn’t legally throw my things out. I physically lived there. I made that comment about the law in defense, then he accused me of being a “spiteful bitch because I felt the need to bring up the law.” Yet he was the first to threaten me with cops and lawyers. The name calling and threatening my life continued. At one point after telling me he “hoped I would die,” I began recording our interaction just in case anything did happen to me.

RS told me his family was going to “come after” me and “bury” me. At one point he punched the wall several times, told me what a “stupid fucking bitch” I was, and told me to be out by Tuesday or the locks would be changed and my things would be outside. I remained calm and collected during this entire time. I had to, it was my home, I didn’t have any place to go, so I wasn’t going to trigger more anger and risk getting kicked out. He left to go to his best friend’s house. Legally, I had thirty days to stay, but considering how angry he was, I did not want to stay and continue to be treated so terribly. I packed several of my things and I left for good.

Of course, you must think that I had to have done something to deserve how I was treated. Let me tell you what I did.

* I had trouble being incredibly affectionate towards RS. There were a number of reasons for this, starting with the most important – every single weekend was spend binging on alcohol and cocaine. This scared me, and it made me scared to fully open up to him. We discussed this via text messages, so he knew this. Nothing changed.

* I made inappropriate comments while I was black-out drunk when I first met his best friend. This made me untrustworthy. Yet somehow verbal abuse and trying to force himself on me while he is drunk is not untrustworthy.

* I made the idiotic move of looking at his phone one morning. I didn’t even look, I quickly put it down. I was an asshole. I couldn’t believe I had just done that. I apologized and it never happened again. This made me shady. I will end this by saying that RS would go through my phone while he was drunk and on cocaine.

* I “looked” at my ex once. One night I went through my phone to delete all of my previous ex’s photos, everything I had of him. This also included a bookmark to his Match profile (we met on Match so I saved his profile, you do not need an account to see his profile photo and last activity date). RS looked over and saw my ex’s image. Clearly, I can see how crappy this looked to him. RS asked why I was on a dating site. I explained I didn’t have an account, just that I was just going through and deleting anything I had on my phone of my ex. There was nothing I could do or say to dig myself out of this hole I made. I took the heat. This made me shady.

* I delete text messages. I get texts for bill reminders, balance updates, prescriptions, doctor appointment confirmations, package delivery confirmations, promotional stuff, and login security codes. It was just a habit to go through and delete all the junk including messages from people I didn’t want to talk to anytime soon. I wasn’t doing it to hide anything, so in my eyes I didn’t perceive it as wrong. This made me shady.

* I had a short conversation with a guy I went on one date with. I’d like to preface this by saying RS found this conversation by going through my phone while he was drunk and on coke – he didn’t bring this up until several days later. This guy and I had gone on a date once back in March. We did not remain in contact after that. Out of nowhere in September, this guy sent me a Facebook message to tell me about a BMW he got (I have one too). I responded with the heart-eyes smiley face and told him I “bet it’s a ton of fun to drive.” Generally speaking. This conversation consisted of a total of 5 messages and was not flirtatious in any manner. RS accused me of wanting to drive “some dude’s car while I was in a committed relationship.” That is not what was said or even implied. This made me shady.

* I “lied.” The first time, RS saw that I liked a Facebook event that the guy from above also liked, and this upset RS because it was a “dude I talked to” while we were together. I assumed RS‘s interpretation of “talked” was on a flirtatious level – because a general conversation doesn’t warrant a reason to be upset. I responded by saying I hadn’t “spoken to any guys” since before I met RS. Due to my misinterpretation of what RS meant by “talking” and not realizing he meant that any conversation with a male was not permitted, me saying I hadn’t “spoken” to him since before I met RS was therefore a lie. RS went on a texting tirade about what a liar I was, how he couldn’t believe I “blatantly lied,” how I tried to “cover it up,” and how I “try to rationalize things.” I told RS that he has conversations with women and I never say anything. He said his situations were different – he texted women to schedule haircut appointments, talk about a new business location, make double-date plans for us, or talk to his female dealer for drugs. I didn’t see the difference if by “talking” he meant any conversation. RS said that I needed to not lie for 30 days in order for him to fall back in love with me. This made me a liar.

The second time, he had been out for a guys night. I was home in bed trying to fall asleep when he called. He asked what I was doing, I said “sleeping,” he said I “answered the phone pretty quickly for being asleep.” I said I wasn’t completely asleep yet, I was just laying there trying to fall asleep. He called me a liar and accused me of having blatantly lied to his face. He said he was pissed and asked me why I kept lying to him. He spent the next 10 minutes insulting me, wondering why I would “blatantly lie. Yes, I used the wrong choice of words, “sleeping” vs “trying to sleep.” This this made me a liar.

* I took my phone into the bathroom with me once. I’d like to preface this by saying that RS takes his phone to the bathroom almost every morning when he showers and I never questioned it. I always shower at night to save time in the morning. When I shower, I leave my phone on the dresser. This day, I showered in the morning and took my phone into the bathroom so I could set an alarm for when I needed to be out. RS accused me of doing something shady in the shower with my phone. I literally just needed an alarm. RS said it was “funny how” all of a sudden I take my phone into the shower with me. If RS thought I was hiding something, he had full access to my phone. This made me shady.

* I yell at him. Whenever we got into an argument, it was usually because he was questioning me about something, accusing me of something, or drunk and coked up, I’d frequently raise my voice when we argued. I wasn’t yelling, it was definitely a raised voice. I “yelled” when I needed to defend myself from whatever accusation or insult he was trying to throw at me. I yelled when I felt like he wasn’t listening. I yelled when he was clearly ignoring me. I yelled when he wouldn’t directly answer my questions. This made me a bitch.

* I sleep with my phone under the edge of my pillow. I always keep my phone on vibrate because I don’t like hearing tones go off for notifications, but I don’t mind the subtle noise vibrating makes. When I sleep, I keep my phone under my pillow so that I can still hear it, in case I get an important call throughout the night. I didn’t have my own nightstand on my side of the bed because my side was up against the wall. It was either put it on the edge of the bed to possibly fall onto the floor, or a few inches inward under the edge of my pillow. I chose pillow. I could still hear vibrations. My intent was to never hide anything. RS has full access to my phone every other time. This made me shady.

* I didn’t post about us on social media. I look at the news feed, but I rarely use it for my own updates or photos. Usually I’ll post my cats or a funny meme here and there. I never posted pictures of the men I dated unless we had been together for a while. I didn’t even like taking photos. This was just me. RS was very upset that I never posted photos of us together. Did I really want to show off a man who binges on alcohol and cocaine every weekend? This made me shady.

* I left my phone out of his sight once. We were watching TV one evening. He noticed I didn’t have my phone with me. He asked where it was. I said I left it in the other room, I wasn’t planning on using it because I was spending time with him. He grew suspicious. He said I always have my phone with me. He turned the tables by telling me that I “shouldn’t feel like I have to hide from” him. If he felt like I was hiding something, he had full access to my phone to check.

It didn’t end at verbal abuse. RS had a hard time understanding the concept of “no” when it came to sex. If for any reason I didn’t want to have sex, this was unacceptable to him. I was getting over a cold once and I told him I didn’t feel well. He didn’t say, “I hope you feel better.” Instead, he insulted me, told me I was “being a bitch,” that I “should be attracted to him” and that since I was his “girlfriend I should want to have sex.” If I said “no” this what I heard every time. Every. Single. Time. Yes, I was attracted to my boyfriend. Sometimes though, I just wasn’t in the mood. RS interpreted this as “having to beg for it.” This was not the case at all. He said verbatim, he’s “not used to being told no.” Is he not used to hearing “no,” or he doesn’t understand what “no” means? No woman in this world should feel guilty or be insulted and berated for saying no. This is coercion and it is not okay.

I took the time to share only the incidents that could be corroborated by existing text with RS, my good friend, one of RS’s family members, and someone from his past, to prove that I did not falsify any information or misrepresent RS or his behavior. There were many times in between these incidents where RS would insult me, threaten to break up with me, call me names, and belittle me until I cried and pleaded for him to stop. It never stopped.

Why didn’t I leave? RS built me up so high during the first few weeks after we met, and we had fun. He made me feel special. He kept saying he would never hurt me. I trusted him. I kept hanging onto the good things – cute messages every morning, the attention, things we had in common, etc. I kept trying to justify the emotional torture I received by telling myself exactly what RS kept telling me, it was my fault. After all, he’d frequently remind me when I was “doing good” at the relationship. I kept falling for his denials – whenever he decided he was done with a tirade, he’d try to hug me and he’d ask, “you know I care about you right?” RS say he gets “so fired up because he loves me so much.” He also says he acts “aggressively because he gets so passionate because he loves me so much.” Both verbatim as written by RS. It is not love. It is confusing. It is manipulation. It is control.

I had never cheated on this man, lied (in its true definition) to this man, picked a fight with this man, gone behind his back and done anything ill-intentioned, or betrayed this man’s trust in any way. Could I really have done something differently to prevent how I was treated?

The answer is no. There is nothing I could have done. The most perfect woman could not prevent this from happening.

In the end, I learned that the verbal abuse, the alcohol, and the cocaine spoke louder than any of his apologies, gifts, and sweet words ever could. I begged RS time and time again (starting one month after meeting him) to chill out with the alcohol and cocaine. I pleaded that I wanted to be with sober RS, not drunk and high RS. Nothing changed, yet nothing was ever his fault. He is unwilling to accept that he is anything other than “a nice guy” who is “good looking” and “knows what he’s doing between the sheets.”

After the break up, I did send him emotionally charged texts. I blamed myself for every single thing he had done to me. I wanted him back so I could “fix” things. I struggled to understand why RS had no problem going behind my back and betraying me. I struggled to understand how someone could claim to love me so much but then hurt me so much.

To the next woman – RS will never admit any wrongdoing and he will only mention the things that make him look good and make me look bad. I know it’s easy to call an ex-girlfriend psycho. It’s what women do because we are often portrayed that way by the men we previously dated. Don’t be so quick to call someone psycho when you do not yet have the full story.

Please know that I have no interest in being in those shoes again, or putting something so scary and dangerous back into my life. After learning that RS is genuinely lying to people about me, I am not thinking wishful thoughts. I do not want a life of weekends spent binging on alcohol and cocaine. I do not want a life of verbal abuse and possible sexual assault. What if next time I couldn’t squirm away?

Trust me when I say – you deserve better because you have had better. When this happens to you, do not blame yourself as I have. You will have not have done anything wrong to warrant the emotional torture that men like RS put you through. When it happens to you and you need someone to talk to, I am here. I will have your back.

A kind man shows genuine concern over the choices that he makes. A kind man does not betray, he does not lie, he does not insult you, threaten you, belittle you, make you feel guilty, throw you to the street, or make you feel inferior in any way.

I am not the first person he has treated this way, and I am certainly not the last. Don’t be next in line.”

Dear Reader:

Your story is heartbreaking and it is not unusual. Abusive relationships are subtle and gradually sneak up on you. It sounds like you were strong enough to recognize how destructive this relationship was and get out. The behavior exhibited by your partner was dangerous and appeared to be escalating. Glad you were able to see the truth.