I truly think God must have a sense of humor. I am not completely rid of my abusive ex-husband or abusive ex-boss but it sure makes me feel fired up to write more about verbal and emotional abuse, because awareness is key.
Verbal Abuse can happen in almost any type of relationship and anywhere;
- in intimate relationships, marriages, or even families
- at school with other kids, colleagues, teachers, and sometimes parents
- at work with a boss, owners, management or co-workers
- in customer service with utilities or other companies you pay bills to
- debt collectors (these are among the some of worst)
- by neighbors or people in your community
- by friends or ex-friends
Emotional abuse is not limited to intimate relationships and can be found in all sorts of encounters throughout life. Some of these situations are very short-lived like when you deal with an abusive customer service representative or perhaps a someone managing your affairs. It is easy to not recognize these situations as abuse because they do not occur on the regular basis and it is easier to put them out of your mind.
Obviously, the vast majority of these situations would involve verbal or emotional abuse. Of course, anything physical would allow you to take legal action. No, this the type of abuse that is sly and usually done through words, actions or even the silent treatment. Most verbal abusers have patterns and will often repeat these behaviors. Almost anyone is capable of having a bad day, but these encounters should not be come the ‘new normal’.
Once an abuser or bully sets his target on you it very difficult to get out of the path. Sometimes it requires you sever any connecting relationships in order to get away from the assaults. Unfortunately, it is usually impossible to reason with these types of personalities. Especially, if you are dealing with a narcissistic, sociopath or someone with a personality disorder who lacks empathy & remorse.
When I divorced my abusive ex-husband, it seemed he would use any kind of connection he could to get to me. He would use anyone who was connected to me in order to pass messages or simply stir the pot. You know, bizarre situations that seem to pull you back into the abusive insanity. Where he is now talking to one of your friends and you being to wonder if they are repeating everything you say to your Ex. Now that I have severed every possible connection, the only one he has left to use is our daughter, and he most certainly tries to use her as a pawn.
When I left my last job, my boss would use my old co-workers to spy on me through Facebook or Linked In. It was really sneaky and felt like stalking or rather ‘silent stalking’ (if there is such a thing). All the while, he said nothing directly to me, but outright ignored me. Even when I was trying to clean up connections since I was tied to almost everything within the company. It really felt like I was getting divorced all over again on my last day. Having to sit there while we removed my administrative access to everything. Eventually, I disconnected myself from every connection we had in common. Perhaps that was his personal goal?
Time to Say Goodbye
Unfortunately, some of these relationships become reoccurring and can make it impossible for you to ignore the abuser’s behavior. Reoccurring abusive situations are often with a intimate partner, boss or management, or even someone in your own family. If this relationship becomes one you cannot avoid and is effecting you emotionally, only you can decide when it is time to say goodbye.
- Crazy-making Behavior Narcissist
- How to Survive a Narcissistic or Toxic Boss
- Is Your Partner Emotionally Abusive?