Join Custody with a Jerk

No, this isn’t something off Jerry Springer, but it is my life at times.  I realized I am in the middle of some drama again and so I felt it was time to take some action.  So I started reading ‘Joint Custody With a Jerk‘ which I had read a few years ago.  In the book it started off by saying if you are dealing with abuse or verbal abuse they are not really within the scopes of the book.  I know his responses will probably not change much I felt it was good to read for my daughter again anyway.

So the book discusses this type of situation as being a crisis and that meant it would have a beginning, middle, and an end.  That was nice to hear because that means at some point this drama will eventually end.

I guess I forgot to mention another little incident that happened on Wednesday.  Apparently my daughter forgot her new shoes that her father bought her here.  So after school his wife drover my daughter over here so she could pick up these shoes without calling us or asking our permission.  So my stepdaughter was here and rather surprised when the garage opened and here was my daughter who was not suppose to be home that day.  I know if I took my daughter by her father’s house one day when they were not home and just let her go in he would throw a conniption fit.   I will say I am not particular comfortable with them dropping by unannounced like that.

Now I need to have a talk with my daughter about not doing that in the future.  My email to them (I am giving it a day to be sure I can say it calmly) will basically say, “.  In the future, if you need to pick up something, I must insist you or your Wife contact us in advance and make arrangements, before coming by unannounced.”

Another thing the book discussed was having a list of positive statements to counter each negative one.   So changing that negative self-talk into positive self-talk.

• Negative: He is always going to create problems for another 7 years.
• Positive: I will continue growing and these situations will affect me less as the years pass.
• Negative: He is such a bad influence on my daughter and I am afraid she will learn how to manipulate
• Positive: I am a positive influence on my daughter and she will learn by example through me.

Nice to give it a try it sure sounds different than the original thought did.  In the book it mentions how the negative statements make us a victim where we have no control and are hopeless.  The positive statements give us our power and control back because it shows we can do something good about the situation and it is not hopeless.

While referencing the book listed above I found another, which might be useful, and I will have to pick it up.  It is called ‘Joint Custody with a Narcissist’ and my ex-husband always sounds like a narcissist when I read about those types of people.  On this page it does talk about dealing with an abusive narcissist, which is what I had.  The website states, “Anyone involved with a narcissist knows by nature they are abusive and anyone who has successfully gotten away realizes there’s no way to communicate with them.”  Now I read these type of books for me and not for him.