Long Term Effects of Emotional Abuse

Living without my daughter for the past eight month has been a difficult adjustment. First we went from barely speaking and she was so angry with me. Now, we visit regularly, but only for a few hours every other week. Now we text each other more frequently. This is certainly not how I pictured our future.

My daughter has shared some experiences with her father. I have just listened and have not offered any advice. I am not sure if she is waiting for me to give advice, but I want to tread carefully here. This is new territory and I do not want to cause any rifts in our relationship.

She has shared that she had some boys over at her dad’s house and was surprised that he did not get angry with her. However, she also said that he would not allow her to go to the store at 9:30 pm on a Saturday because “there are predators out there.” I couldn’t help but think he is one of them.

Yesterday, I told my mother that she would not be allowed to drive over here. For some reason I knew that would be the case. I didn’t want to be right. However, nothing my ex-husband does comes without strings.

Today, she shared that her dad will not let her drive to where I live. We are about a 15 minute drive away from where he lives, so it isn’t the distance I do not think. His reasoning was that she needed to finish up school. All school season, she has been failing one class or another, but he continued to get her driver’s permit & license and purchased a car for her. My friend said he is just trying to exercise his power & control.

I told my husband that at some point my ex-husband will get upset and then it will come out that it is “his” car. There are always strings attached and I have a feeling that will surface, especially if she ever “crosses” him. When we were married and he was happy with me, it was “my car”, but when he was angry it was “his car”. There were always strings attached to every situation.

It is difficult to sit back and let situations unfold as they may. However, I believe that is the best way to handle things at this time. I have to trust that God is working here and this will work out for good. I have to believe everything is going to work out exactly as it is supposed to.




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