PTSD & Panic Attacks – Abuse Side Effects

One thing I have struggled with ongoing is PTSD & Panic/Anxiety attacks.  These symptoms were really bad when I was still married to the abuser, but I didn’t know I was having symptoms at the time. Even after I left the abuser and the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) got really bad it still took me a while to figure out what I was going through.

When I first left my abuser I remember feeling extremely unsafe.  I kept all my blinds closed, my garage closed and always kept my doors locked.  The feelings came at went, ranging from feeling pretty okay to feeling like I was losing my mind.  Of course, my abusive ex-husband had told me plenty of times, in one way or another, that I was crazy.  So when you symptoms and out of control like this it kind of makes you feel crazy too.

I had to remind myself that the situation was pretty crazy and I think my reaction was pretty normal to an abnormal situation.  I still have these feelings that hit me that are triggered by my ex-husband or a stressful situation that triggers memories.

When these PTSD/Anxiety/Panic attack feelings come, I have to remind myself to breathe, relax and remind myself I am safe and okay.  My doctor thinks I may have to always manage these feelings for the rest of my life.  They are not as constant or powerful as they were so many years ago.  I guess that is a sign of improvement.

Writing in this blog really helps because it gives me the ability to release these emotions rather than internalize them.  Occasionally I receive a email or comment from a reader, who says they can identify with my experience or symptoms and that helps me know I am not alone.

I have to remember that I have spent a great number of years of my life under extreme amounts of stress.  At times I think that use to feel pretty normal.  Today, I do not like being stressed and I know I can often create my own stress.  The good new is, now I recognize unhealthy situations and choose to remove myself from them rather than endure them.

Life is simply too short to remain in unhealthy, toxic and abusive relationships.

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One thought on “PTSD & Panic Attacks – Abuse Side Effects

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  1. Thank you for sharing your truth. I have had paid attacks, jaw clenching and all kinds of physical ailments while being married. I never could figure how to name it. It killed my sense of self. Your right the scars cut so deep and are taking me on a journey that has opened my eyes to my truth. I have finally left but lost full support of my family which saddens me because nobody wants to see the truth.

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