Using the Divorce Decree as Tool vs a Weapon

When I first got divorced my abusive ex-husband spent so much time harassing me it was a miserable experience.  Here I was trying to go with my life, raise my daughter, run my business and his constant harassment made that really hard to do.

It did not help that I was always afraid of what he might do to me.  Eventually I had to hit a point where I realized I could not continue to worry about his words.  Even if he decided to take me back to court for custody, which he often threatened, I could not prevent him from doing that.  Although I spent a great deal of energy trying to not do anything wrong.

Divorce Decree Purpose

When the courts create a decree for the divorce, it is meant to be a tool not a weapon.  The goal is to have the decree to fall back to in the event you cannot agree.  The problem was my ex-husband would not agree with me on anything and often used the decree as a weapon against me.

The Divorce Decree is what it is, it is neither bad nor good, it can be used as a Tool or a Weapon depending on how the party decides to use it.

Divorce Decree as a Positive Tool

Eventually I began using the decree as a way to communicate with him less.  He was so combative that I decided at one point we were going to follow the decree so we would have less to talk about.  The decree would state all visitation rights and we would have no reason to talk.  I found any communication with my ex-husband would not be a positive thing and I knew I could not change him only my response.