We were driving back from an appointment today and my daughter mentioned her dad did not like it when her step-dad (let’s call him Chris) called her names (like Turd, Buttlips). I asked her, “How would he know if Chris said something like that?” She said she did not know. I asked, “Does Chris ever text you with those names in there?” She replied that he sometimes did when he was picking her up from tutoring. I said it sounds like your father is reading your text messages on your phone. Her phone is password protected but there is no other explanation. Time to wipe the phone and set a new password.
My husband and daughter have this way they talk to each other and I am not sure how it started but they tease each other like that. I have never felt anything uncomfortable about the way they interact. My awareness of unacceptable is really very high after all the stuff I have gone through with my abusive ex-husband. It is very interesting for my abusive ex-husband to criticize something my husband is doing. My husband has been more of a father to our daughter than he has ever been.
My ex-husband has given our daughter beer when she was 12 years old. My ex-husband tells my daughter endless untrue negative comments about me. There was also an email regarding my ex-husband wanting to put our daughter in braces. I told him I was concerned if she was responsible enough for the care and maintenance of braces. My ex-husband told our daughter, “Your mom does not want to spend the money for you to have straight teeth.” If he truly cares about her teeth I wish he would be equally concerned for her mental well being and stop putting her in the middle of this war he continues to keep with me. I also think if someone is that concerned about teeth he would not bathe her teeth in sugar every time she comes to visit to the point he makes her physically sick.
It is really hard for me to think like an abuser. I do understand from different angles because my father did some of these same things to me when I was a child. It is very strange to watch my ex-husband do the same thing to our daughter. I only know my father admits he purposely tried to cause problems between my mother and I. He admits today he was wrong to do that. It feels awful sometimes that I couldn’t protect myself when I was a child any better than I can protect my daughter from this mental abuse.
I truly wish the courts would recognize psychological and mental abuse as they would physical abuse. I personally feel mental, emotional and physiological abuse is just as bad if not worse. I am still trying to heal from my entire life of dealing with verbal abuse. I also do not believe someone who is being physically abused is not also receiving mental abuse along with it. I would think it rare or unlikely to have a really nice physical abuser that never says anything hateful.
My daughter is only 13 and has been aware of the constant passive aggressive attacks my ex-husband and his current wife expose her to. She has not yet found the voice to speak up and say anything. She told me today, “I wouldn’t know what to say.” I said, “Just be honest and say what you feel.” I have encouraged her to speak her voice and let them know when something bothers her. I told her they may not change their behavior but you will know you said something. I hope I am doing right by trying to empower her. I think she would just rather pretend they are not doing these things than accept the reality of it. I suppose I can’t blame her for that.
Previous Posts
- Abusive Ex-Husband Texting Our Daughter
- Abusive Ex-Husband Reading Our Daughter’s Text Messages
- Daughter Secretly Texting Abusive Ex-Husband
Sources:
Is This Abusive 