Tips to Responding to Abusive Emails 2

When I first began receiving emails from my abusive ex-husband that were full of ranting & raving, opinions and comments that were meant to make me look bad.  There was a part of me that felt if I did not respond to his untrue comment then that was admitting it was true.  Learning to disconnect from my abusive ex-husband and only respond to real questions or facts took some practice.  My attorney also told me to be sure to document everything which I began doing by sending emails to myself.  He would often say to put my ex-husband on notice which I did in the following email.

Email to my Ex-husband on December 22, 2004:


Unless you want to speak specifically about our daughter, I do not want to engage in any conversations with you.  Our daughter could hear your conversation and she said, “Daddy always yells at you.”  My life is not your business, I do not need to tell you if I am going out to play pool, going out with friends, or going on a date.  Do not yell at me regarding anything about my life.

I do not consider it a waste of time to send emails like the one above, send email journals to myself and document unusual events.  Although many events never had resolutions it is very helpful to occasionally reread those entries to remind me that the problem was not so much with me.

Often when I read these emails throughout the years I can see how much healthier and stronger I became each year.  I am so much stronger today.  When I discussed these thoughts to my mother she often remembers a comment she made to a counselor more than 30 years ago.

My mother said, “Sometimes I just wish he would die.”  The counselor replied, “Instead of wishing he would die, why don’t you just continue to get healthier.”

I like that comment the counselor made.  To be honest if I were anything like the person my ex-husband’s emails make me out to be… his crazy ex-wife, etc…  He should be grateful I am not crazy or I might have already run him down in the street and then roll back and forth to make sure he is dead a long time ago.

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