Dealing with an Angry and Confused Teenager

beautiful butterfly in a butterfly park

My ex-husband and his wife have managed to turn our daughter against us, especially me. It is hard to say what was the tipping point exactly, but we think it was when she was busted for smoking pot and her father’s promise of an easy life with him. My ex-husband and his wife are in constant contact with my daughter. When our daughter speaks, she no longer sounds like herself.

Today, we were supposed to go to school to get her class schedule.  She said she didn’t need to go pick it up because she would be going to a new school.  She said it would be as simple as telling the judge she wants to go and it will happen, just like that.  She said she will have her license by January and will be driving her car to school. At this time, she does not own a car or have a license, so she must be referring to the car my ex-husband is promising her.

Today, I made her go up and change into longer shorts. She told me that she is seventeen now and can do as she likes. Today she said, we can’t make her get into the car; she has civil rights, lives in this country and is a citizen. She was referring to the day, earlier this month, when we made her go to counseling and she was refusing. We had at least ten minutes of back and forth of my saying ‘you are going’ and her saying ‘I am not going’ before she got in the car. During this exchange, she said if we touched her it would be considered child abuse. We were quite surprised she agreed to go in the end. 

It is sad to see a child you raised behave so badly.  This breaks my heart to see her behave so hateful towards me. We are visiting her counselor regularly and at first she felt like this counselor’s purpose was to change her mind.  I think she realizes now that this is just someone for her to talk to.  

My ex-husband has only had access to her every other weekend for years, but somehow she believes the twisted stories he is telling her.  Some of what she has said sound like some twisted version of the truth and other things are just flat out not true.He actually told her that I have been harassing him for all these years.  He told her, that I will not leave him alone. It is amazing.  I have done everything I could to separate myself from my ex-husband and his abusive behavior. He has never allowed any of us to live in peace after all these years. Honestly, is my ex-husband tired yet? I know we are! In 2010, we moved to get away from this stuff and distance ourselves, and it helped a little. Looking back, there is no protection from verbally abusive men (or women I am sure).

This is completely sad; it is like all that I taught her over the years has been completely forgotten in the past few weeks. I am not sure I completely under why she feels the need to be so hateful to me.  The Brainwashing children article suggests that the child will believe what the other parent says and actually team up with them. So maybe this is just part of that? Perhaps this is some sort of parental alienation? They do say women are usually the ones guilty of this with their children. However, I think this is also quite common with abusive men.

My husband commented that it is almost like we lost her the day we caught her smoking pot and my ex-husband was ready to manipulate that situation to his advantage. Plus, she is a teen who is rejecting rules and my ex is providing her an out she wants to get away from the rules. It is like she has one foot out the door and feels like she can just be as hateful as she wants. Today, her behavior was so bad; I asked for her iPhone and iPad and told to get her room clean. She has been working on her room, so I am hopeful the daughter I know is not completely lost.

Also, now that she has blonde hair, she really looks like a different person too.  She is wearing so much makeup and the clothes are really too revealing.  On her phone she has her father telling her how pretty and grown up she looks.  Her stepmother is saying that is just doing what seventeen year olds do, spread their wings and becoming independent. This is dangerous what they are doing. Plus, my husband took her to the mall last week for new shoes and said I should have seen all the guys at the mall gawking at her.

Although my husband and I would love to believe her father is doing all this because he loves his daughter, we find that incredibly hard to believe. My husband thinks my ex-husband still has a thing for me?  I certainly hope not. However, it has always seemed like my ex-husband is always using our daughter to get to me. This truly seems like some sick game he is playing and at the expense of our daughter.  I have been posting for years about how I think she is just pawn for some game he is playing. There should be laws to protect children against verbal and psychological abuse.

I hope my daughter will get through this okay and come out okay on the other side. We are worried she might end up at his house and drive high and wreck her car or end up pregnant.  I am not sure what they were thinking when they let her go blonde.  Her Instagram comments went from people saying she was beautiful to people saying she was hot.  I am not so sure we want a rebellious teenager looking ‘hot’ to the boys. I hope she will figure out what is really going on without too many permanent consequences.

Please pray for our household.


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