Abusive Email Traps – Abusive Men

So I am having problems with my father again after I made the decision to call him and he blasted me.   You can read one of the first abusive emails from my father. Then good God, okay so he called me again and I pick up the phone.  What is wrong with me?  Now I feel all frustrated and angry.  My father is not going to change, I guess that makes me sad, he is going to continue being weird and impossible to talk to.  Perhaps, I need to find peace within myself should we never talk again.  Making the decision to discontinue the relationship with my father has been something I have been struggling with my whole life.  Over a period of time, I would not call my father, then I would eventually feel guilty and call him.  I guess I worry if he died I would feel bad for the rest of my life.

Abusive Email From My Father

To Me,

If all you want to do every time we communicate is insist on cramming your bitter, unforgiving hatred and judgmentalism down my throat, don’t bother calling or emailing me at all.   If you can act like a mature adult and show some common decency (without constantly interrupting). I will listen to you, but I expect you to listen to me too!.

Very sincerely,

Your Dad

Candid Thoughts

Whatever, I am tired of these conversations with my father.  This one started when he said my Aunt and Uncle said his wife was just using him and I said I agreed.  She has been living in another house for four years and has collected over $50,000 from him in four years.  Although I do not agree with what she is doing I certainly can sympathize with her desire to not deal with him and if he is going to give her a check each month why wouldn’t she take it.  Then I told him, “Okay go back to her and give her all your money, nobody can stop you.”  He didn’t like that response either.  So I asked him, “Dad, what do you want me to say, do you want me to lie and tell you something I do not believe?”  My Aunt said it seems as if he is looking for someone to blame for his failed marriage.   I also asked him if his wife had called him at all and he told me that was none of my business.  My Aunt said she is not returning his calls or emails.

Moving Forward

My goals… I do need to accept is okay if do not talk to my father anymore.  I do not need to feel guilty for not talking to him.  It is not my fault he behaves the way he does.  He has had a temper problem and been rather abusive for most of my life.  We had a few good years of communication recently but it seems like those days are gone.  Maybe this was not the best thing to say but I did say ‘I’ a lot and not one ‘You’.   I need to let him go and this is what I wrote:

Goodbye Dad, I wish you luck.  I forgive you and I am sorry we are unable to get along.

My Name

Then my father sends me this response.

Seriously, My Name, I really do not need your ugly hatred!

Dad

Abusive Father – Abusive Ex-Husband

Wow, this reminds me of emails with my ex-husband.  Where you say something and they respond by twisting it around by saying something that is untrue to make you feel guilty.  My Aunt said he is doing the same things with her and she has gotten to the point she doesn’t want to email him.  I guess he is just really mad right now and trying not to accept his wife does not want to be with him anymore.  It is sad but I will bet he was okay with paying her all that money each month because it kept her attached to him.

Closing Thoughts

My father has always been an abusive man  but he never really took it directly out on me until recently.  It makes me wonder if the same thing will happen with my ex-husband and our daughter.