So a lot has happened this week. All of this was crazy and unexpected to say the least.
Starting on Tuesday, the school counselor called to inform me that she had received an anonymous tip that my daughter was cutting. My daughter assured the school counselor and me that she was not cutting. I even asked her to show me her stomach and legs. Plus, I believed her because I just didn’t see any visible wounds in any of the places she showed me.
On Wednesday, my daughter came home, crying, and admitted she was cutting. She showed me her leg where she had twenty 2-3 inch cuts in a row. It absolutely broke my heart to see her wounds, especially when I heard she originally started doing this three years ago. The only cuts are in this same location on her leg. How could I have missed this? Also, the dishonesty makes you question what else they are not telling you.
On Thursday, when my daughter was heading to the after-school bus, her friend was jumped and beat up by another girl in school. Her friend ended up hitting her head on the concrete, passed out, and then had to be taken to the emergency room. My daughter’s school is one of the best in the area and this was surprising. On the way to the hospital my daughter began receiving harassing threats via Kik chat. Comments like; u next bitch, watch your back, and your next. Most of Thursday evening was spent with my daughter writing statements and visiting her friend in the hospital room.
On Friday, we visited the school and she gave additional information about the ‘physical altercation’ to the assistant principals. Due the threats that told my daughter she was next and to watch her back, I made the decision to bring her home today. During the school day there was a video of the ‘fight’ being pass around and some of my daughter’s friends started blaming her for not doing anything.
After listening to everyone describe this altercation, it sounds like nobody saw this coming and the other girl attacked my daughter’s friend. The ‘fight’ did not last long before people began pulling her off and my daughter went to help her friend. Then my daughter immediately called her friend’s mother to let her know. The girl who started this fight has been taken into custody and will likely end up in juvy.
Unfortunately, her best friend is now blaming her for not helping her during the fight and insists she would have protected my daughter if the situation was reversed. I am a bit disappointed in her best friend for siding with the group of friends blaming her best friend. There were over ten statements given that described the exact same situation and I imagine they were both pretty shocked and surprised. I also know, it takes a few minutes for your mind to process what is going on and it takes a bit longer to actually react.
So now my daughter has become the second victim in this entire mess. What a ridiculous situation reaction everyone is having. Talk about misplaced aggression. Of course, anyone looking back on the situation could say they would have done something different or that my daughter should have done something. I still can’t believe this happened at my daughter’s school.
Next Monday, we have an appointment with my daughter’s counselor and hopefully she can help my daughter sort through this mess. Unfortunately, I think this has shown some of her friends ‘true colors’. It is truly unfortunate that all this happened.
Although, perhaps this is a God thing. When we visited my daughter’s best friend in the hospital she had tons of cuts all around her wrists from cutting herself. It looked awful! I don’t think these girls are cutting together, but both of these girls are not very healthy at this time. Maybe it is a good thing that they are not on speaking terms now.
Just maybe, this is an opportunity for them to get healthy on their own. Recently we learned that her best friend is suicidal, cuts and is seriously depressed. There is a saying that says,”A relationship is only as healthy as the sickest person in the relationship.” So I can’t see what either of them have to bring to the relationship at this point.
I hope my daughter is ready to focus on herself a little more. Right now, I am providing all the counseling and tools, but it will be up to my daughter if she is ready to get better. My daughter seems to have rational thoughts and wants to get healthy. Although, it is hard to say because she has been keeping this a secret for quite some time and has been pretty dishonest lately.
This has been a hard week, and I went back to Alanon tonight. I haven’t been in a while because I felt things were much better in our household. However, things certainly began to unravel this week, and quickly. All I can do is pray for my daughter and provide as many support and resources as possible. I really do not understand this self harming in full, but from what I understand, it is a way to cope with overwhelming emotions.
Self Harming Hotline: (914) 603-7362