This blog was created as a form of an outlet from the effects of verbally abusive relationships with my ex-husband and my father. I am very glad to say I am no longer married to this man but we have a child together and he has not stopped being abusive. Since he cannot reach me as often, he resorts to using our child as a pawn. Please keep in mind that some of my posts are full of anger and others may be full of helpful resources. This blog’s purpose for my own personal journey of healing and to let others know they are not alone.
I am remarried to a wonderful man who is nothing like my abuser. Although my husband would listen to me if I talked about this every day, I love him too much to subject him to that. So here is my personal journal of a domestic abusive relationship. When you break the silence I truly believe it loses it’s power.
There are times I scold myself for being so unwise to pick a man like that. Yet, when I think about my daughter and how much I love her, I realize I would do it all over if for that reason only. The good thing is I have been able to give my daughter tools that help her. I have had to really bite my tongue at times to now tell my daughter things. I believe there is nothing I can tell her that she will not learn on her own. That does not mean he does not tell her unrealistic things that often create challenges to help her deal with the information without saying negative things about him.
In the fall of 2016, my daughter made the decision to go live with her father. This has become a new challenge for me, especially since he has really managed to turn her against me. His oppositional parenting continued to create challenges, especially as she became a teenager. His promise of no rules, no supervision, free reign, and a car have made living with him sound like a teenagers dream come true. This breaks my heart and I am still trying to come to terms with this change. My only hope now is for my daughter to see the truth and hopefully realize what is and isn’t healthy for herself. It was the hardest decision to let her go live with my abusive ex-husband, but she was nearly an adult and I had to let her go.
Keep in mind, I am not a counselor, doctor or an attorney. I am only expressing my personal experience from my point of view. Some of my blog posts may be helpful and some are probably venting. If I could change my current situation for the better I most certainly would. I have also made mistakes that may have resulted in adding more fuel to the fire of the relationship. However, I hope anyone reading this will find something positive to take away. My experiences are sometimes very painful and I have to believe pain is not for nothing. If a few people reading this are able to take something positive then I am glad I shared my experiences.
There are times I still have difficulty with abusive relationships, letting toxic relationships go, including the one with my father and sometimes my mother. There are also times I wonder if I am abusive myself, however I think it was usually reactive abuse. Some of the impacts of having such an out of control life before sometimes makes me a bit too controlling now.
This blog is not meant to advise anyone on the direction they should take in life. Every person’s journey is their own and I am only sharing my personal journey.
This blog is written from a woman’s point of view because that is my experience. I am not saying that women are not abusive, but I do not have as much information on that subject. I recognize that abuse comes in many forms, but I can only share my my own personal vantage point.
If safety is a question, please take extra caution to protect yourself. Leaving an abusive relationship can often be the most dangerous time. Take steps to protect yourself and your children. Also, just because they have not hit you, does not mean they will not hit you. It is said that people often make decisions based on what hasn’t happen yet.